The last few days as I have gotten my belongings together to get ready and head back to OCU, I thought back to this time last year when I was preparing for my first semester of college. The situation was different, the things I packed were different, and most noticeably, my perspective was quite literally, out of this world. I had just graduated from highschool, spent the entire summer watching all 11 seasons of Grey’s Anatomy on Netflix, working my tail off at work, and dreaming about the day I would get to leave my parents house for the magical realm of ~college~ (every bit of that is true- many apologies to my parents, I was a terror). I don’t know what it is about senior year of high school, but geez, it can really do a number on one’s mentality regarding their own importance in the grand scheme of things. Yes, I am saying that it is very easy to think the entire world revolves around one person. Me. Me. Me. Me. (Disclaimer: Yes, there are angels that this doesn’t happen to. I’m just speaking from my own personal experience).
Anyway, my whole point is that a year later I am now dreading having to say good-bye to my sweet parents, siblings, and dog-siblings tomorrow. What?? Where did that come from?? I was so surprised when I realized that when my mom said she wished I could stay longer, I wasn’t just nodding. I truly wanted to stay longer. Now, I didn’t go home for the summer, I lived with an extended family member in Oklahoma City while working a full-time job for the Oklahoma United Methodist Conference Office. I’m sure this has affected my back to school sadness, but I did make the trip home for most weekends. I also spent a little over a week at home after having my wisdom teeth pulled in June as well as the last two weeks as I have recovered from having my tonsils and adenoids removed (It has been quite the summer, let me tell ya!). I didn’t think I would miss the opportunity to stay with my family over the break, but in this last week, I have really been wishing for just a little while longer to stay and enjoy my sisters and brothers. I was actually in tears once or twice today as the looming move-in day approaches (yes, it is tomorrow and I have to be awake in less than 4 hours).
This desire, something I didn’t have before, has been a bittersweet realization that I am growing up and don’t have very much time left to stay under my parent’s protective roof. I’m only half-way into the real world, but I’m much closer to the real world than it seems. As my college career progresses and I graduate and move onto my graduate program, I wonder what life will have in store and how it will all work out, but I am reminded that with each season, my perspective will change and adapt allowing me to continue pursing God and my passions. Today, I learned to embrace my sadness because it means I have grown. I cannot ask for anything except to continue growing as sophomore year ensues.